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is a former clevelander living in
manteca, california. she knew d.a. levy in the late 1960s, & notes that both he and dagmaR had a huge impact on her life & consciousness.
shattering
splitting
separating
struck silverstill
he is prismatic
and therefore can
comprehend scraps
of True just torn
before he turns into
seeking saliva and pitch-strength a sort of salvation
of the mainly 3 dimensional
kind
But
if he can make a space
maintain stilletto rays
of serrated reflection
and slipsoft glide
entice ripples from no stone
promise clouds come
from some huge heart full of alone
flood rivers of the soul
nor will he ever know
by choice of course
which fear has learned
just how to nuture pretense
he now shall and must and will
awake one more time just because
it is his own
inherent Must
he is thrust
deeply pooled
to
show himself
swanlike
among any ones
who dare emerge
unfloating there
a shred of evidence
lasts
out from what or where
or when You were
in my world except
my own rememberment
all i know is
how you stood
on that snowy roof
one sharply shaved cleveland night
and no one else dared but you
because it wasnt about falling
it was about doing something else
and yeah maybe flying
course then you showed me
right down to ground
how to make angels
in the snowy pieces
of our souls
there at the corner
108th or maybe 7th and
euclid avenue praise
whatever devil made
this one real
you regally screeched
more than fear and more
even before
i knew your name
not sure i considered that
you were just always smack dab
in around among my shit
makin sure whatever it was happened
would be at least because of what
inside me and you
and whoever minded
to partake in such fascinating feats
of monumental moment cause youd keep
makin me catch and hold my own
selfsoulness and piss on the fears
you stood for me when fire came
you filled my own explicit place
with unimaginable grace
and when you let me know
i was not alone
your face stayed still
maybe your eyes shone just a little
And theres just this one more thing
You
were Who showed up
to show me who i was
just in case
i was havin doubts
I am crouched
behind my face today
well really since last night
I came to the conclusion
made it thru restitution
of doubt and disrememberment
and found out how to do It
have It be It
and It
is quite amazing given
what no one ever taught me
sure I have been shown
how to kneel down
behind anything resembling real
and how to never ever reach
the place of true feelings
or even get a glimpse
of what is found comes creeping out
landing on all fours
So I Crouch
curl up behind my face
I do not animnate
or otherwise involve
anything my soul might want to say
I have the perfect excuse anyway
no one ever taught me
any differently.
How Dare this
strangled life force
drag me here when i wasnt even sure
i had any desire or need to touch down
How Dare a journey
start with promise
then twist swallowing itself
in the relentlessness
of reality defiled
while accepting defeat by
praising one hung on a cross
like it isnt each of us
nailed there never mind the cost
How Dare my own awareness
creep in perpetually holding me
in a circle that has no meaning
except maybe the snake eating
its own tail and tell me would you
how that is fullness of being
let alone living proof
How Dare you
write these griefbacked words
in any place at all or scrawl them
searing from your soul
as if once said and told
they might make any difference
or give me breath
in this
screeching acrid
place of desertness
where the wind
churls
unheard
Somewhere along the line
i lost the truth of what
was my own tight gripped belief
that no matter what grief
swallowed me i would be
powerful with love
so whatever happened we would still see
eye to spirit
in the sometime of the finding
and i meant that you be
rightly chosen
and loved with a hope filled
awareness that came from me
offered to your own alone choice
your light fading revealed
i could not reach
out and feel your presence
drifted out to sea
up mountainsides and
back again without
ever insisting
on acknowledgement or explicit
recognition of the physical kind
always in my heart you cried
and screeched or maybe it was i
who stomped around in fright
there was nothing to demand
that had any impact
on the path you walked
or mine either
for that matter
now it is later
than the world permits
and i am older than
i ever guessed i would get to
without you
always i hold the seed
of what could have been
our ancient tree
i touch the sky
where we would find our wings
i see the stone dropped gently
to make forever mossy ripples
or hurricanes or tidal waves
or one blink of a leaf
caught in supreme loosening
or a need so great and pure
it was and is
the only thing
left in my world
( souls)
i am beautiful
when i am with you
i dont know why
not consciously except
just that feeling
streaming me with fast silver feathers
of a memory
once i must have been
your giving of a moment
fills with tidal wings
to courage me
reach to the single
place where sky meets sea
and gather what is found
the all of me
into who i might actually be
right now
and without
the shadow following
your ownself beaming light
perhaps some star gone nova
will pick us up in moontime
beyond this quiet life
and join us carefully
softly
gloaming
us deeper
than night
grief
Honor outheld i sit
silent with this rock
to drop my tears on
echo my cries with
knowing that they will
not soak this living thing
with my own pain or isolation
my tears of fear stream
down the sides
of this great granite guardian
come up from fire of the womb
here now to accept my truth
a small mountain of a rock
i hold fiercely hard as
this tiny fist of mother earth
comes opening to me
calling back
the heartbeat
of my own
blood singing
He Said
come over here climb on my lap
of all the right words i have
cause i am smart enough to know
that what you need is so
easy for me to say
he Said plowing thru
the darker corners i hadnt dusted
in some many moons
that tar doesnt just melt away
and music cannot be replayed
wheres my dope shit babe
i heard wheres my hope
but he refused to know
he Said youre gonna pay
charging up the skys
fist raised in almighty
hosts of gods righteous
wrath and the figment
of his own shadow
being real or even close
instead
he Said
he Said i reminded him
of a frightened spider
scuttling away from the truth
thru my intricate
woven web
of unlimitation
and then the ugly reared its head
i turned my side and took my eyes
back to the place i had
been right before he Said
anything at all
now i sit back up against the wall
the floor shakes hard
as he stomps
thru the hallway coming home
i am there staring alone
at the wall i hold onto
and look from
waiting
for
that first word
of
annihilation
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